Wait… don’t log off… give me a minute of your attention… please…
I know how upsetting it is to read the title of this post. But let me explain.
Of course, you want to be depression-free. I have no doubts that this is your conscious choice.
However, it’s not enough to want this outcome consciously. What goes on deep in the recesses of your subconscious mind will also influence whether you can achieve your desired results.
I stumbled across the notion that there are subconscious side benefits to depression while listening to Tony Robbins, the world famous personal development coach. He seemed to be very successful in ‘pulling’ people out of depression. He also had personal experience of being depressed. So, naturally, I was very interested in his outlook and methods.
Tony lists eight side benefits of despair. Despair reduces guilt, brings sympathy, justifies abandoning relationships or makes it difficult to end them, excuses avoidance of obligations and responsibilities, justifies addictions and self-destructive behaviour. It is also a way to dominate others and punish others, according to Tony.
My personal experience of depression indicates that he might be right. When I was deep in depression, I knew what was wrong in my life and what would make me happy, but I was afraid to make changes.
At the time, I was trapped in a dysfunctional marriage. For outsiders, my life looked perfect. I tried to put up an ‘I am OK’ show every time I could, but I was wilting inside, descending deeper and deeper into my ‘black hole’. I knew how many people would get upset, stressed and worried, if I was to walk out of this marriage. I felt very guilty.
Being depressed kept me static and inert. I created a kind of personal ‘paralysis’, which prevented me from taking actions. Being depressed diverted my attention from the issues I had to resolve.
My inner conflict went on for years, finally culminating in a nervous breakdown in 2003. Did I need to go so far?
It is hard to acknowledge that somewhere deep inside, we choose to be depressed. It seems so ridiculous, doesn’t it? But what if Tony is right and his wisdom holds one of the keys to our recovery?
As always, please share your thoughts!
Stay strong, remain hopeful and seek inspiration!
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thank you great post …. whilst I am not a tony fan your comments are outstanding I have battled serious depression off and on for 30 yrs and so get the inert inability to deal with things…
I don’t want sympathy I just want to die ….
I am going away to really think on this…. this is the most profound understanding in one or two sentences of what we do to ourselves in depression.
Many thanks
Isa