Is my depression back or do I need to slow down to go faster?

Feb 13 2015 Published by under Action, Choice, Inspiration, Strategy

slowI woke up full of energy on a sunny Monday morning ready to start a new week and tick a few items off my ‘To do’ list. Everything was as usual: hectic pre-school ceremony to get my daughter ready for school, my winter morning ritual of caffeinating myself and getting into a warm pair of pants ready to heat the seat of my car…

In short, everything was normal…


My car won’t start!

It made a noise of struggle, sighed… and announced that the battery was flat. I tried turning the key a few times. I even talked to the car: ‘Come on, please… Don’t do it to me…’ but still… it won’t start!

I called my husband to share the news. He offered me a few solutions (like calling a taxi) and declared his willingness to take a longer lunch break in order to come home and jump start my car.

I kindly declined his offering of help and arrived at my own solution: ‘I will walk today!’.

“It is only a 30-minute walk to school” I convinced myself. Then I remembered my dental appointment. ‘Never mind! I will catch a bus to town! That would be fun!’

To cut this story short: I walked A LOT that day! More than I usually do in a week or two. To be honest, I enjoyed the walking and the extended exposure to sunshine and fresh air. However, I really stretched myself that day!

I woke up on a Tuesday morning and felt physically tired with all the right aches and pains that follow a strenuous workout.

I pushed really hard to maintain a normal (planned on Sunday) pace of the day. I did not want to slow down. I noticed a feeling of getting off-balance but totally ignored my body’s needs and persevered to do my stuff as normal.

I continued to push myself on Wednesday and Thursday… My creativity and productivity were declining while my irritability and tiredness were on the rise.

Friday morning I woke up at 5.30am with a sore throat and a bad migraine. My body mimicked my car battery in all its perfection. I could whisper: ‘Come on, please… Don’t do it to me…’ as much as I could. My body was out of commission.

In fact, I was feeling so exhausted, numb with pain, totally demotivated and indifferent, that if I did not know it better, I could have easily scared myself into a thought that my depression was back…

Luckily, I know that this is how I feel when my energy levels are extremely low.

I also know that this is a time to take very good care of myself and my bodily needs. Extra sleep, nourishing food, lots of rest… Only kind, soothing, repairing thoughts and activities…

In short, all the self-care techniques and tools I teach my clients to enable them to recover.

While I recognise when my energy “leaks out” or rapidly goes down, I often try to push and override the warning signs.

The next step for me is to learn to slow down during those times.


What about you? 


Love, light and healing! x

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